Rethinking traditions. Scavenger hunts, red and green flags, and moisturizer. (Ep.17)
Laura and her daughter with their handmade wreath from a friend’s annual wreath-making party.
Show notes and sneak peek
In Episode 17, Kori and Laura rethink traditions and share how they endeavor to use this time to instill wonder, love, and light in their kiddos. But first, they’re honest and admit they’ll wrap any essentials a kid needs around the house. You need soap? BAM - that’s a present in December! No shame, y’all! #happyholidays #holidayseason #bemerry #holidayspirits #podcast #podcasting #pushingpastpolite #millennials #friendship #friendshipgoals #moisturizer #lovetheskinyourein #newpodcast
Episode 17 begins with several Laura brain farts. Good thing Kori and Keith are patient. Once she gathers her wits, Laura shares two things positively impacting her mood - cabinet installation day at her house and the Golden Bachelor finale! Makes her feel all warm and fuzzy under a blanket of gratitude. Kori shares a new prompt she’s been asking her preschool son - Did you help anyone today? - to prompt him to lead with his kindness. Laura shares how she wants to deemphasize the logistics of the Christmas story and focus on big ideas - God with us and light in the world. Kori is all about giving her kids rich sensory experiences this holiday. For example, she’s turning her basement into a winter wonderland with the help of her sons. We talked about how we add to our ornament collection each year, and Laura shared the idea of wrapping (and unwrapping) a Christmas children’s book each night of December. Laura reflects on things done well by her parents around the holidays, including having family members watch each other open gifts, one at a time to savor the gifts and foster gratitude. The gals shared strategies for emphasizing sharing gifts at the holidays and Kori suggested trying scavenger hunts to add to the fun. Both ladies are all about wrapping up essentials and counting them as gifts - deodorant, socks, moisturizer - you name it! Laura talked about her annual wreath day tradition with her friend Colleen and Kori wants to scale this business idea pronto! Kori endeavors to attend more holiday parties. Laura shares some excellent learnings and takeaways from a recent episode of Pantsuit Politics called A Guide to Enjoying Your People. And Kori issued a wise admonishment to limit our complaining about our family of origin to our partners. We talked about the advantages and challenges of having family members in close proximity and farther away, and we sign off, wishing everyone all the best creating weighty and meaningful traditions in the weeks ahead, regardless of which holidays you celebrate. You are loved and appreciated.
Resources
Transcript
Episode 17 Full Episode
[00:00:00] Laura: I almost canceled, but then I was like, Oh, we won't have a chance to do it. Let's just do it. And we'll explain. Okay. So I listened to, I regularly listen to one of my favorite, damn it. There it goes again.
[00:00:12] Kori: Close your mouth. Let him get the sound. Oh, Oh yeah. Yeah. Unmute. Let him record the sound. He was saying that if he has the sound Isolated, it's easier for him to try to scrub it out.
[00:00:23] Laura: I thought he meant if he had the sound of my voice with nothing behind it. No. Sorry.
[00:00:31] Kori: Yeah, we got it.
[00:00:33] Laura: I'm, listen, I'm not the quickest. I'm not the sharpest elf in the, in the, in the toy shop. Ooh, why
[00:00:39] Kori: are there sharp elves in the toy shop? I don't know, tools?
[00:00:44] Laura: I'm not, oh lord.
[00:00:58] Welcome to Pushing Past the Light, where we talk about what matters and make the world more just. I'm Laura.
[00:01:04] Kori: And I am Kori.
[00:01:05] Laura: And I'm so glad you're here. I'm pretty sure you are too. Welcome, welcome, welcome. I should have said we,
[00:01:11] Kori: sorry. Well, I'm glad too. I can speak for myself. You can speak for both of us.
[00:01:15] And on behalf, half of the podcast, we.
[00:01:19] Laura: On behalf of the Academy, we'd like to tell you Thank you, Academy! I'd like to thank Jesus, and my parents, and my best friend Kori and Keith. Um, hi. It's so good to see you. Happy Friday. We're recording on a Friday. This, of course, will get released on a Wednesday. Um, but I can't stop smiling
[00:01:38] Kori: because Why, Laura?
[00:01:40] Laura: It's kind of like Christmas came early for me. It's all I want. Like, Christmas came early. Oh, there's the sound. Can you hear that, friends? Mm hmm. Can you hear that? Um, I am finally getting a kitchen put back together after planning this renovation for a long time. Planning to start the renovation, having to push back the start, having to push back the install. It's cabinet day two. Cabinet day two. Day two of install. I'm so pumped. And then, in theory, this means that two weeks from now, I'll have countertops. And then within like days, I'll have appliances in and so I can like in two weeks by Christmas, I can actually make something I'm so pumped.
[00:02:18] Kori: It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, huh?
[00:02:21] Laura: It is. And I gotta tell you, it, you know, it really does give you appreciation for the ease with which you live your life in a typical space. And by no means are we like roughing it like we're not eating well. I've, I can afford to miss a meal or two, even if that were the case, but, um. No, it's just, you know, we've got the air fryer in this room and we've got the sink in that room to wash things. Microwave, I've got the toaster oven, but there's nothing like just having all the stuff where you need it. So, yes, I'm beyond pumped. I've been sending you pictures probably at an annoying rate. No, I love
[00:02:54] Kori: it. I love it. It has me going back looking at the pictures of my own kitchen reno or update or whatever when we first moved in.
[00:03:04] Laura: Yeah, you came into your new house right after, well, no, you were still pregnant with the baby, right? Yes, I And so you were days away from
[00:03:12] Kori: giving birth. Yeah, we moved in two weeks before I gave birth, too. And we had, the kitchen wasn't finished when I was, after we gave birth. When he was born, the kitchen wasn't finished.
[00:03:22] Laura: At the time of him coming into the world. Into the
[00:03:25] Kori: world, the kitchen was not finished. We, yeah, it was, and there were, you have five people in your house. Yes. Yeah, and so that, it was like that. We had five, and then he became the sixth person because my parents were visiting.
[00:03:37] Laura: Yeah, yeah. It's a lot to not have that convenience, for sure. Absolutely. Well, you did it in crazier circumstance. It's so
[00:03:46] Kori: joyous to then be in it, in the space, moving about, and, and the things are where you want them, and it's arranged how you want it to be. And there's this, uh, scene from Modern Family that is an older, I mean, obviously the show's off the air, so it's older, but uh, it's Cam and Gloria in the kitchen cooking together. And it's like the music is playing and they're like in sync with each other, with the movements and the, you know, and that's how I envision
[00:04:20] Laura: Give me this. Yeah. I can just see their cute little interactions.
[00:04:21] Kori: Yes. And that's how I envision the energy for you being when you are finally able to really be in your kitchen. That you and the kids Yep. Are just kind of like have this like, get me the plates from over there and get me the seasoning from over there and get me the glass, you know, like, and it's like, yeah, that's right. We're cooking.
[00:04:43] Laura: That's right. My kids all like, well, the girls in particular, not because of the gender, but just they, these two personalities really like to help and be in the kitchen with me. And more and more, we're intentionally inviting my son to the table to do that too, so that becomes part of his skill set, and that he gets the same messaging that everybody, it's everybody's job. Though in my house, my husband is the lead cook anyway, so it's not like he's not getting that message loud.
[00:05:07] Kori: Loudand clear. Loud and clear.
[00:05:10] Laura: But it is so wonderful to have, it's going to be wonderful to have this space to just be together. So, um, we're pumped. If you are within my listening, our listening area radius, want to drive down, come visit. I'd be happy to give you a tour. We'll put some pictures up later. Um, but Kori and I were just laughing that we think we made very similar design choices without knowing or consulting each other. I've not been in her new kitchen. So we'll have to see how that turns out. I was like, wait, what, what finish on your, on your pulls? What appliance line? Sounds familiar.
[00:05:39] Kori: Yeah, same as me.[00:05:41] Laura: Anyway, my apologies in advance to Keith, uh, for the noise. It's cabinet day. It's also the day after the Golden Bachelor finale. And I know you haven't watched, but I just need to take a minute because it was such an emotional experience watching, first of all, the whole season, but like the finale last night.
[00:06:02] Both the breakup and the proposal. Oof! Oofed. I don't cry watching TV and I got teary. I had one little warm saline drop right there. It was, it was beautiful. It just, if you haven't watched it, I know, Kori, I'm talking to you, but like it is so hopeful and redeeming and like this idea of older women being invisible and then suddenly not being invisible. Like they feel like wanted and desirable and it's just freaking lovely. And I just. While the season didn't end the way I expected in terms of the who I just I'm gonna savor the whole thing and just Say that was a net like warm fuzzy experience, and I think we should sign Keith's mom up for any kind of season two.
[00:06:49] Kori: Oh all right. Okay. Okay.
Laura: What's going on with you? Those were my two big things I just had to to lay on the table cuz I'm amped.
[00:06:57] Kori: Well, honestly, I really just wish Everybody in the world could experience warm fuzzies like that. That's what's going on with me, you know, like truthfully, I am like living in a space of gratitude daily when I am like this morning, both of the boys were in my bed, which means that eventually I got kicked out. And I have a funny picture of them like on either side of the bed, like the middle is completely empty and they're on the edges as it should be, which is usually where me and my husband are. And they're in the middle, right? So it's like we got pushed out of the bed.
[00:07:37] Laura: There were two in the bed and one rolled over or something like that.
[00:07:42] Kori: Right. One fell out and the other, right. Um, but I'm just like so grateful that I can even do that. You wake up, get to snuggle your babies in a warm house. Wake up and get to snuggle my babies in my house that is standing. Yeah, I know. And safe. I know. Like, yeah. So, like that warm fuzzy that you're describing is like, oh, I wish that was like a blanket that was just over the world that more people were experiencing right now. Yes. You know, it's like we're in our season of gratitude and being grateful and thankful. And it's like just waking up every day.
[00:08:21] Laura: Mm hmm. And, and admittedly, Peacefully is, Yeah, it's easier to feel that warmth of that blanket when you're in a good place. There are years and times and days and, you know, seasons of life where it's, it's harder. You have to intentionally look for the gratitude or choose the gratitude. Yeah. Uh, and that's not saying that people shouldn't be very honest about what they're struggling with. But, um, I do want that for everyone, and to the degree that I can extend my blanket and be a blessing, that's something I want to be intentional about doing, too.
[00:08:52] Kori: Absolutely. Yeah. And so that's one of the reasons that, like, in the spirit of trying to create traditions and disrupt traditions that I grew up with or didn't grow up with, it's like giving, helping, kindness is something I want to continue to verbally instill and acknowledge within my kids. Thanks. Like, not just this time of year, but all the time, right?
[00:09:18] Yes. You know, the question I, I started asking every day is, did you help anyone today?
[00:09:23] Laura: The question you started asking, G?
[00:09:27] Kori: The question I started asking G, yeah, is now that he's in school, is “did you help anyone today?” And because that's what I want to be in the front of his mind. And it's not always about just taking or you know, whatever. It's, I want him to And what'd you learn today?
[00:09:43] Laura: Did you have fun? No, it's that you have a role and a responsibility in this world to be a light. A light. I love that.
[00:09:50] Kori: Mm hmm. Mm hmm. And to prioritize helping. You're like, you are a kind, tender hearted soul. And so I want you to lead with that.
[00:10:01] Laura: Mm. Yes. You know? Yeah. I think that's a beautiful prompt for him.
[00:10:05] Kori: Just verbalizing it, you know? And not that my parents didn't teach me how to be that kind of person. And raised me to be that kind of person, but that's just not the kind of questions we weren't having that kind of conversation, you know? Yeah. And so like, I want that kind of to be a foregrounded piece in how we communicate
[00:10:28] Laura: with each other. Yes. Yes. I, I've been, well, obviously we've been talking about this too, is this idea of holidays and traditions and, you know, last episode we talked about the, the more surface level things, the, you know, the, the meals and the lights and the activities and all of those things. And then we've been marinating, I think a couple of days over, you know, what, what's the messaging around this season and what do we want to make sure we emphasize or de emphasize or whatever. And I was thinking about, um, you know, Christmas being, uh, a very religious holiday as well, a high, you know, a holy day within the Christian faith. Uh, but also an amalgam of other things, pagan religions and the way that it's celebrated now and it's kind of all morphed together, right? But, um, growing up, it was about, again, from the influence from my mom's side and from the church that we went to, it was about Jesus's birthday. And I remember going to a Sunday school and that's a wonderful thing, by the way, so not a bad thing. I went to a, I remember going to Sunday school and there was like a whole lesson on like how you don't say Merry X mas or you don't write the X mas, but it has to keep the Christ in Christmas and all of this, and it seemed, it was like a really strong fixation, like that was like the devil, like you were gonna, something was gonna spontaneously combust if you did that somewhere in the world, and you know, um, so I just, while I am completely fine about talking about the historical story, like I want to glean the bigger picture of that, not so much the, um, The legalism around that and when did it happen and star and how many wise men and like for me, it's more of like God is with us, like God came to earth, love is with us, light has entered the world and you are an ambassador of that light, like that is something I want to focus on as opposed to the mechanics of the story and like just that one singular piece. I want to say, listen, like this is a gift and that's part of the reason we We have lights,
[00:12:17] Kori: Yes. Right? That's right. It's like, that's one of the reasons that people put up lights. Candles. Candles. Yes, all of it. And, right? It's like, those are the external demonstrations in this season of the light that we're shining into the world.
[00:12:32] Laura: Do you know what? I don't know that I've ever made that explicit connection with my children. Mm. Mm. And I think I might. Right? Yeah. Because we already, I said last week, we already, um, we mentioned how I do the, a light tour with my kids. But like, talking about light as a symbol, but also light being a very real element in this world and how you're a part of that. This is something that I can connect to.
[00:12:53] Kori: And even having, extending that conversation into like how when we come and see the lights, what does that make you feel? Mm-Hmm. , right? Yes. And so like that same feeling and energy that you get from seeing the lights is the kind of energy that you could be putting in someone else's life.
[00:13:11] Laura: The words as a light, the excitement. The comfort. The comfort, yeah. I love that. Oh, I love that. Well, and each of my kids has a Christmas, a little Christmas tree in their room. And they love it. They just love to go to sleep at night. They asked me, can you unplug the tree on the way out? Sure. Got you. So they fall asleep to that light.
[00:13:30] Kori: Yeah. That, that warm light.
[00:13:33] Laura: I'm going to have to make that connection. Thank you. Good tip mama. You make me better. But what are some other things that you've been thinking about with regards to traditions and messaging?
[00:13:44] Kori: Well, so this one is a little bit, I want to create an experience for them on Christmas. That's more focused on the experience and less on the stuff, right? And so I want to slowly turn the basement into winter wonderland. And so every year As you get closer to Christmas? Yeah, but every year making it a little bit more wintry, a little bit more wintry. Wow. So like, this year We put, uh, snowflakes on our windows. And I'm going to get some snowflake string lights to hang in the basement. Last year, we put lights on the columns that are in the basement, so there's like this warm light down there and the Christmas tree light. So we're going to add another layer of light and snowflakes for this year. Oh my gosh. And so every year I want to add another layer, um, to To the decorations and to the memory and the experience of Christmas, you know, because I grew up with, you could get three things.
[00:14:56] Laura: It's like you Something you need, something to read, something to wear.
[00:14:59] Kori: Yeah, there was a catalog and you could pick three things.
[00:15:02] Laura: It's like I'll pick three gift cards for a million dollars each.
[00:15:06] Kori: Right, but we didn't have that back in those days. No, I know. There weren't gift cards, so it was like Whatever.
[00:15:10] Laura: Cashier's check? No. You're not doing that.
[00:15:13] Kori: I, now there's the Amazon. Yes. But back in the day, there was like Fedco, whatever the big brand, big department
[00:15:22] Laura: store. Yeah, like
[00:15:23] Kori: JCPenney, a Sears. Like, they had their catalogs and, you know, whatever. We would go through and we'd pick, we could pick our three things. And so like, I'm still of that mindset. Like we're, this is not bottomless Christmas. Okay. Like, no, we can have a couple of small things and like a major gift, if that's what it is, putting your work to Santa Claus and request your things. Right. And so that's why I want to focus on…
[00:15:48] Laura: Prepare to December 1st so mommy can get all the deals and then I don't have to stress for the rest of the season.
[00:15:52] Love! Thank you.
[00:15:55] Kori: But that's why I want to focus on the experience because it's like. Um, that's one of the traditions that I want to create for us. It's like part of it we do together. We, we do all the decorating and stuff early in November, but then over the course of November, we're like adding little layers. Like we put the stuff in the yard and we did the snowflakes on the front door. And then this week we've done the snowflakes downstairs on the thing and we're going to put some, we're going to dress the tree in the basement and you know, just like keep layering it up. It's
[00:16:25] Laura: almost like an advent calendar, but by year.
[00:16:28] Kori: Mm-Hmm. . Right. So when you think about like, open this door and add this thing or have this thing Yes. You're like, here's this. She's contributions to our decorations. Mm-Hmm. . And next year we're gonna add this. Yes. That is wonderful. And every year we get an ornament, like we get one new ornament.
[00:16:44] Laura: YeahThat's a big thing. Mm-Hmm. is typically to try to encapsulate an experience we had as a family or a travel. Yeah. Mm-Hmm. . . Mm-Hmm. . Um, is there a way you could package this when you put it away this year? Where each thing is in its own little box.
[00:16:58] Kori: Oh, that's a great idea. Because then it really
[00:17:00] Laura: can be like an advent calendar. Like, okay, this day we're doing this, this day we're doing this. Oh, that's a great idea. As opposed to, I mean, it's probably more practical to put in a giant Tupperware or Rubbermaid.
[00:17:10] Kori: But even within, but even within a big bin, You can have smaller boxes. smaller boxes or smaller things, yeah.
[00:17:17] Laura: Something I know that was really popular several years ago, uh, on my socials that I think is a great idea I've never done, but maybe you can do given the age of your kiddos. is to have a total of like 25 theme Christmas books. And each day you wrap it, you wrap the same ones every year. Yeah. Right. And so then it's, here's our story for tonight. And that's a great idea. It's fun. It kind of develops that library and those memories around, Oh, this book is so special.
[00:17:43] Kori: Oh, I like it.Maybe maybe we'll do a book a week.
[00:17:45] Laura: Yeah. Oh, there you go. Yeah, I'm all about making it lower the bar sugar Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Keep it easy. I like it simple. Mm hmm. I like that. Yeah, we can have gifts and wrapping and unwrapping Something that my parents that we did when I was a kid that I absolutely want to keep so I want to give them credit where credit is due. They always had us wait to open presents first of all till everyone was like awake together And even when we did, it was never this like five minutes and it's over, everybody tears into things. It was savoring the gifts. So we each take a turn and we're going to all watch each other open the thing. Oh, yeah.
[00:18:23] Kori: And it lasts longer and it's just builds the sense of gratitude. That's a great idea.
[00:18:28] Laura: Cause I don't love, again, every family is different, but I know some families, it's just, here's your, here are your gifts, here's yours, here's yours, here's yours, go. Now, maybe with a family with, maybe your family, this wouldn't work, but for me, I just love it. And then after you open the gift, you go and thank the person, especially if they're in the room, right? Like, thank you so much, I love it. Oh, I love that. Alright, next person, who wants to go next? And I just really Oh, I love it. We do it for birthdays, too. Well, not the taking turns part. But the waiting till everybody's home, so we'll wait till dinner time, or we'll do it in the morning before school. We have to all be ready. And doing one at a time, it's kind of nice. Yeah. So I love that.
[00:19:01] Kori: Like, I love that idea because I, I really do not like doing that at parties. Like, I can't stand that. Oh, the watching me open. Oh my god, I hate that. I just, I can't. But I like the idea of just doing it with your immediate family. That's more, it's like, I'll do it when I get home and I can keep track how I want to and I can just put it away or do whatever I need to do with it. As opposed to like, sitting at this party, opening all these packages and then repacking all the packages and then loading them in. Like, why would I do that? They're already packed up. I mean, just pack them into my vehicle, take them home, unpack them one time.
[00:19:37] Laura: This isgiving me baby shower memories for sure. Um, I, but I did say, like, if there was someone who really wanted me, wanted to see me open it, right? If it wasn't just like, no offense, like a punch bowl from Bed Bath Beyond, you don't need to see me open that.
[00:19:50] Right. But if it was a quilt, you may, you know. Something that's particularly special. Let's, let's go ahead. The two of us, let's go open that on the side. We don't need to have the whole crowd watching.
[00:19:59] Kori: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Totally with you. It's like, I, and I love for the, a space like Christmas where everyone kind of takes turns and because I, I am noticing that G is very much like, and this is age appropriate. He's like, this is mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, right. Which is totally age appropriate. But Doing things like this help to expand that thinking and create a different schema around how we enjoy things, how we enjoy our toys, we can enjoy them together, we support each other in that enjoyment kind of thing, like I like adding that layer on to what are our typical age appropriate mindsets, but just like, Yes. Um, you know, beginning to introduce some new ideas in that way. I like that.
[00:20:51] Laura: We also intentionally try, I don't know if we're going to do it this year, um, like going back through my list really quickly because I thought it was done. Um, we try to do a joint gift as well. So a gift for all three kids. So it builds that idea that like this belongs, it's ours, it's our families. Not a mine and yours.
[00:21:07] Kori: Yeah, that was one of the things we were going to do this year. It's like we were going to get them a joint gift. This is your both of yours. Yep. You can enjoy it together. We take turns. We play with it together. Mm hmm. And then I got them some other things that are like close. Not the same. So like if they want to switch they can, but if they don't. It's also okay, we can tell them apart. It's also okay, we can tell them apart, exactly.
[00:21:34] Laura: Red is you, blue is you. Go to separate corners, don't be mad. Totally, totally. Um, I'm also, um, I'm not a, a couple years ago we tried to do experience gifts as opposed to a lot of things. They would still have something to unwrap. It was a letter or a note or an artifact. It did not go over as well at this age, and pandemic hit that year. So it must have been 2019, 2020, and so we couldn't do the things that I had promised them we'd do. And it felt like a total bust. So that's a reminder to myself that like, yes, I want to get less about stuff, but I also, they, they're kids and it's fun to have something.
[00:22:11] Kori: So something that my sister does with her kids, and I think it started during the pandemic, Scavenger hunts for the gifts, right? And so like the, and it's like a group thing. The other kids are all encouraging this way, this way, you know? And so they hide these little gifts all over the house. And then they, they go on the scavenger hunt to find the presents and it's adorable and hilarious.
[00:22:43] Laura: So we did that with the experience gifts here and it was kind of this it was part of the bust feelings But maybe I can redo it What if I did it with like the things they have in common like the parallel gifts that they have? Yeah, and
[00:22:54] Kori: everyone gets to find them.
[00:22:56] Laura: Maybe Santa sends the Scavenger hunt and Santa sends us.Hey the reindeer dropped them all over the house. Can you do me a favor and go find them? Yes, very fun. I'm also a sucker too for like hey, you need this. I'm gonna wrap it
[00:23:09] Kori: Amen. 100%. You need a fresh deodorant bar? These socks? Absolutely. Undies in size whatever? 100%. Congratulations. Pajamas? Definitely. Yours. Boom. Yours. Ta da. You're welcome. Moisture.
[00:23:21] Laura: Merry Christmas. I'm giving moisturizer. Are you proud of me? To each of my children. They already have it, but like, it's like a, like everybody uses it on the counter, but I was like, oh no, because I'll just buy it because I got to buy four, get a deal on Amazon. [00:23:35]
Kori: And now you each get one in your stocking Merry Christmas. Merry healthy skin from Aunt Kori.
[00:23:42] Kori: You are welcome.
[00:23:45] Laura: Yes. The end. Happy ever after. The light is in the world.
[00:23:48] Kori: That is so funny. That's so funny. Yeah, I think the other thing I'm trying to just do differently Well, no, not differently. The same, actually, as my mom. My mom is the bomb at the music and, and decor. She's a little late with it a lot of times. It's going up to December 20th. Yeah, right? Totally. Like, there were so many Christmas Eve eves that we were, like, heavy decorating, right? Huh. Um, but the energy Yes. Around just like the festiveness of the house. I love that. I love that too. And so I try to be a little, my timeline is a little different than hers because I want to enjoy it as long as possible, but it's still that same vibe. And so like I have barland up now. Yeah, Winter Wonderland basement. Yeah, I'm going to have the Winter Wonderland basement. You know, I, I'm still telling my husband like. Can we get these lights? We have, like, lights lining the outside. We posted a picture of that and we have our fellas in the front. But I still want, like, lights in my trees, some lights on the bushes. You know, like, I want it to be brighter out there. Okay. Yeah, I want to be that light.
[00:25:11] Laura: Well, you are, honey.
[00:25:12] Kori: Yeah, I want it.
[00:25:14] Laura: yeah. I love it. And so, I have lowered the bar in some ways just because of all that happens that needs to happen this time of year. But, I do have dreams of, to your, like, almost like your advent calendar idea.This year for outside, we're going to add this.
[00:25:29] Kori: YOUR advent calendar idea.
[00:25:31] Laura: Your operationalizing of my advent calendar idea. Or my naming it is really what it is. But yeah, I would love to do that. I would love to add more to outside and involve the kids more in putting that up. Yes.
[00:25:44] Kori: Yeah. And that has been fun for us too, saying, in terms of another kind of tradition, like we have some Halloween decorations now.
[00:25:53] Laura: You got snow on your pumpkins?
[00:25:55] Kori: No, no, no, no. We took those down. Now we have, now we have new Christmas decorations, but I'm saying we didn't have these decorations last year. So now we have a set, an additional set of decorations that we have outside. And so our Christmas, you know, our holiday season starts in October for us, right? So I hear. So our holiday season, we're now evolving and growing our decor. Yes. And so I like that too, that idea of just kind of like. Every year a little bit more we add, we add a little tree with some lights out here or we have the wreath or, you know, whatever.
[00:26:32] Laura: Well, speaking of wreaths, this is another tradition I am digging so much. Um, a friend of mine, Colleen, is just masterful at all things, uh, homemaking. She just is. She makes these beautiful, you know, homemade breads that are braided and beautiful. Bagels that she, who makes their own bagels? Colleen does. Colleen. And it's not like she's not busy. She works almost full time and has four children. So I, she's also, yeah, she also reads like 10 books a month. She's incredible. Um, Colleen, we love you. And, and I don't hate her cause she's just so damn nice. Like there's nothing about me that's Can't you be mad about it? And I'm not kidding. Because we're not competing. Right. Out of her abundance, she shares as opposed to look what I can do that you can't achieve. Right. So, sorry. So here's the tradition. She has, this is now the second year I've been invited, but I don't know how long she did it before this. Um, she invites people over for wreath making day. She bought the wire, um, holders and the clamps to do it and she went, she goes out in her yard and cuts greenery and we come with our gloves and we come with ribbon from wherever we get our ribbon from and anything, glitter, pine cones, whatever you want to add and everybody leaves with a gorgeous wreath, fresh wreath.
[00:27:44] Kori: She should be charging for this.
Laura: Uh, I told her that. Yeah. Mm hmm. It's incredible.
[00:27:49] Kori: Yeah, this could be like a micro business that she does during the holidays that she just charges for, just during the holidays.
[00:27:56] Laura: There's a place around here actually that does, and they charge a crazy amount of money for it.
[00:28:00] Kori: All right, Colleen, get on it.
[00:28:06] Laura:Come on, Colleen., get on it. I'll help you. Yeah. I'll do your social media. A little business development happening. Wishing Pass Flights Day. Colleen, can you jump on for a call? My God, I want a consult right now. The baking, the all the things. She could do a little workshop for all the stuff.
[00:28:17] Kori: Oh, We're about to change her life.
Laura: Yeah. Kori Boom. There we go. But it's all women. I love it. It's all mamas. Time together in the middle of the holiday season that can get crazy. And it's just time carved out for us. Mm hmm. Uh, and it's beautiful. It helps to achieve these broader goals we want. It's not like, oh, just come for desserts. Right. You know, which can feel great too, but it can be another thing to add and try to fit in. Yeah. This is like, oh, but I want a wreath for my door this year. This is perfect.
[00:28:44] Kori: That sounds so cool.
[00:28:46] Laura: She's, she's awesome. Yeah. I'll have to send, I'll post some pictures with her permission because she's just incredible.
[00:28:52] Kori: Did you do it this year? Have you done it?
[00:28:57] Laura:Um, it's this Saturday. It's coming up. It's coming up. I'm pumped. I've got my ribbon. I'm ready. I'm ready.
[00:28:59] Kori: Something else I want to start doing is like just going to holiday parties. There's a couple of my friends have annual holiday gatherings and like I just want to attend them.
[00:29:12] You know, sometimes with child care and things, it's evening outings, you know, I could do something in the daytime or something the evening under no circumstances can I do both.
[00:29:22] Laura: You have shot the children's patience, friend. You are not doing both. No,
[00:29:26] Kori: so sometimes by the evening time, I just am like, I gotta drive 30 minutes to go somewhere and then, you know, And
[00:29:33] Laura: maybe put on sparkles and
[00:29:34] Kori: Yeah. Right. But I would like to just do that, like that's part of what the holiday season is, that some of the things involve the children, some of the things don't involve the children, but it's like we participate in festivities during this festive season. I would like this weekend for us to go do the light tour at our regional park and Then go to a holiday party, right?
[00:30:02] Laura: I love it. Naps for everybody. Naps. Take naps. For everybody. Pack snacks. Yes, yeah. Don't you get hangry. Don't you ruin their party. Don't you get cold either. Put on your gloves. Yeah. And now we can go. And then you can fall asleep in the car on the way home. Exactly.
[00:30:16] Kori: Exactly. I love it. Yeah. But it's that sort of stuff. Just like building memories. I want to just build memories and memories that have deep roots. Yeah. That have weight. That have weight. Yeah. Like from as far back as I can remember, we used to. Kind of memories.
[00:30:36] Laura: Yes. Or even a, that way people don't feel like, let's say your kids are older and you're like, well, I missed my chance. It doesn't have to, it can be, oh, that one year when.
[00:30:43] Kori: Yes, or that one year when, exactly.
[00:30:44] Laura: We started it. Yeah, this was, this is something we love and adore to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something I want to carry forward. It doesn't have to be an always.
[00:30:52] Kori: And I also want to speak for my, speak into myself, letting go of things that are no longer working for us.
[00:31:00] Laura: Yeah, not feeling the Bye, baby. Oh, hi, sweet buffin. I love those visits, can I just tell you?
[00:31:07] Kori: He's so cute, his little face is so cute. Yeah, not feeling like so tied to the thing that I'm ruining the spirit.
[00:31:17] Laura: Guess what I said no to this year? What? While, uh, Corey and Keith, I said I'm taking a break from holiday cards. And not that I will never pick it back up again. But this year it was not going to be serving me. Yeah. I could feel that with everything else, with the construction, with all the things, it was one thing I didn't want and I'm not feeling guilty about it. In fact, I'm still going to do this for me, the key component, which is like looking at my list and reflecting on gratitude and how much I love having these people in my life. Yes. They don't know, but I'm gonna tell you I still do it. Yeah. Sorry if you're, if it's too much for you or you don't, you don't feel the warmth, but please know I'm sending it. Um, like this doesn't work for me.
[00:31:54] Kori: Yeah. It's like, I love this idea of a winter wonderland, but if over the next few years, they're like, Okay, mom, it's just too much. Then it's like, okay, then it's too much.
[00:32:06] Laura: That's, that's a good point about following their lead too, right? Yeah, yeah. This is still, as long as it's still fun for everybody, then this is the way to go.
[00:32:10]Kori: Right, because that's the spirit behind it. It should be joy and fun and that, and if it starts turning into something else, then.
[00:32:21] Laura: If it feels like work, no.
[00:32:22] Kori: Yeah, then I want to let it go.
Laura: So, Pantsuit Politics had an episode that came out around Thanksgiving, incredibly timely, surely planned, around enjoying your people. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, they talked about one thing that I want to carry with me for sure is asking your people, what are your red flags and green flags for the holidays? What is something, what is your green flag? What is something that, like, it will make your holiday if we do or you'd be so bummed if we didn't? Yeah. And prioritizing that. And then what are your red flags? What are the things that stress you out? What are the things that you don't like either to let go of them, like you're saying, Kori, or to accommodate them. So, for example, she said, uh, Beth, one of the hosts said, You know, I love watching the Thanksgiving parade, like that is so important to me. I need to see it, but I'm going to have a TV where in the room where that can be and I'll have another room for the sports or for a quiet room for people who want to just check their email or take a nap or whatever, an accommodating space in your house that can let those red and green flags kind of coexist. And I thought that was really smart. My group is still really small. But I think it's important, especially as I'm approaching pre teen phase with one, or I am fully in pre teen phase with one, to make sure I respect his boundaries and find out what's fun and what's not fun for him too. Mm hmm.
[00:33:35] Kori: All of them. Yeah. You're right. And being with extended family, because we're going to be, uh, after Christmas, we're going to be with my family. Mm hmm. And so, like. having a sense of that. It's a, that's a great suggestion of the red flags and the green flags.
[00:33:50] Laura: I loved it too. I thought that really worked, you know, and also going in, they mentioned, you know, the role of venting to your partner and how, like, sometimes you leave the gathering, the door closes, you get in the car and you go unleash. Yeah. And sometimes you need that, like, to process with your partner and that's totally reasonable. Um, But the other part that they mentioned was like to try to go in, if you go in with the, Oh God, here we go, that you come in with a net negative attitude already. And it's going to take positive things to get you in the green when in reality that may or may not happen. So just start at neutral. Yeah. You know, don't have rosy, crazy expectations. Yeah. But don't come in already grumbling, which was wise.
[00:34:31] Kori: Yeah. So. Also, you know, I'm learning that sometimes, and most times, to let your partner lead the grumbling. Hmm. Because your relationship with your family, especially if it's your family, because your relationship with your family is much longer and it's just a different history, obviously, because you've been in your family for your whole life, right? And so, like, the things that annoy the fuck out of you have annoyed you for 40 years. For 40 damn years. And so it's like, your venting is kind of just like regular processing. But to them, they might carry it into every interaction they have with the people you're venting about down the road, right? Because they don't have that history of like repair and recovery through those things like you do.
[00:35:31] Laura: And their job is to support and champion you.
[00:35:33] Kori:And their job is to support and champion you. So like, I have like shifted some of that or just in terms of venting with my partner because I feel like when you do that, it does not improve your partner's relationship with your family.
[00:35:51] Laura: Ooh, that's wise. Right? It is wise.
[00:35:56] Kori: And you have to manage that relationship. You, being the member of your family, are managing the relationship between your family and your partner. Mm hmm. So when you're venting about those kinds of things, you are adding dark spots into the water of that relationship that you can't always filter back out.
[00:36:18] Laura: Hm. This is smart. You know, and sometimes you do need to, but you also can have other safe places to go, right? Exactly. Exactly. Or you can come to me. Right. I can come to you. That's what I'm saying. And it's, yes. And it protects, it insulates, it becomes less of a, you know, carry it forward to everything because you don't have to come see my people.
[00:36:37] Kori: Exactly.
[00:36:39] Laura: That's a really smart take because it is hard to put those things to the side. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yeah. Well, and you guys are spending extended time together. Exactly. And right now you have your husband's family around. And soon you're going to be with yours for an extended time. My family's all relatively local on both sides, so we're spending a couple of hours, not
[00:37:00] Kori: But you have more consistent interactions.
[00:37:03] That's right. Right? That's right. So it's like, there are more opportunities for those kerfluffles to happen in your situation because you have proximity. Yes. Where we don't really have proximity. This is something I talk to one of my girlfriends about all the time. I'm like, You have mother in law proximity problem.
[00:37:20] Laura: Because that sounds like an and for a new drug you would take. Do you have mother in law proximity problems? Try Rejovy or something or like try Unfriendy. Right, right. Don't get this. Stop taking it if you have explosive diarrhea or fits of rage. Or if you're allergic to Rejovy. But it's true. It is, yeah.
[00:37:45] Kori: Because there are more opportunities for interactions because they live 15 minutes away. Yeah. Right? I can see that. And so where my people are 2, 000 and 3, 000 miles away.
[00:38:00] Laura: So you're, so it's not proximity problems for you. What's the equivalent? What's, what's yours?
[00:38:06] Kori: So I would say for me, it's, it's, this is going to sound, I don't know what the right word is, but it's more like connectivity problems. Right? Because, like, my children don't have the same exposure and connection and access to their grandparents because we are so far.
[00:38:27] Laura: And your kids are so young. Mm hmm. But their memories from six months ago, not to make your parents sad, right? But that's, like, a quarter of their life ago. Yes. You've got to rebuild that comfort, you know, versus a come to me right away at the airport.
[00:38:40] Kori:That may not happen.
Laura: Mm hmm. Because of that connectivity or familiarity. Or familiarity, there we go.
[00:38:46] Laura: I like, both of those work, both of those work. Yeah, yeah, but, and so that's Because you get connectivity problems even if you're local and proximal. Right, true, true.
[00:38:53] Kori: But that's where like, uh, FaceTime has been amazing. Yes, yes. Because my children know their grandparents in that way. So they see them in that way. Yes. They, they warm to them quickly because they are familiar, but they just don't have those regular connections. Like your children do because your people are local and when they do when your parents do come and they spent they day.
[00:39:16] Laura: Yeah, they're in the same space similar to our Nana, right? When Nana comes, she's here for a week So the kids, you know want to cuddle with her in the morning or check on her after this and uh huh that that helps build That too.
[00:39:33] Kori: Yes, exactly. Exactly. Yep. They're here. They wake up here. They go to sleep here. The boys wake up. They're here. The boys go to sleep. They're here.
[00:39:42] Laura: Mm hmm. Remind me what they call them. I remember G calling for them.
[00:39:46] Kori: So, my parents are Poppy and Mamacita, and my husband's mother is Nona. His father is deceased.
[00:39:56] Laura: That was it. It was, it was Mamacita. Where's Mamacita? Where's Mamacita?
[00:40:00] Kori: Which is so adorable. And they have, um, an, uh, grandma too. So they have lots of grandparenty type figures and then, you know, uncles and aunts and, and things.
[00:40:15] Laura: So, that's one thing from my childhood that. I remember, and again, to my family's credit. We were more proximal with my mom's extended family. And so I remember having fish dinners, Christmas Eve, the Italian, you know, feast of the fishes, like cooking fresh calamari and having pasta and like all of that on Christmas Eve, being with cousins, not first cousins. To me, I don't think they were much younger or they weren't born till many years later, but like second cousins. We all would get together at their house. And then when my family moved from New Jersey to Virginia, That went away. It was just the four of us. Yeah. Sometimes a grandmother would come or we would occasionally come up, come back up, but I didn't have that anymore. Um, and I can't, that's something I wish I could create for my kids, but I can't, I'm not in control of that. Right. My husband's an only child. Yeah. My sister doesn't have children. That's it. Like we don't have a long, or we don't have a, we don't have a wide branching tree at this point. Yeah. Um, so again, without getting into too much, that was part of my reason for wanting to Theoretically have a bigger family. So I at least could give them that opportunity if they wanted it.
[00:41:23] Kori: I love that. You know, their generation. And that sounds more like what my husband's experience probably was growing up because my mother in law is from a very large Italian family. And they all lived nearby. And so I have, like, I've seen videos and pictures and stuff of when they were small.Just, like, people everywhere kind of get togethers, you know? Like, home movies, uh, kind of thing of people. Yeah.
[00:41:52] Laura: Yes, and then in my, even the, taking a generation back, so that was my experience in my childhood, some. But probably less than than your husband. Generation back, my mom had lots of cousins and first cousins and all these people. Generation before that, they were all living in the same apartment building as fresh off the boat immigrants in New York. Oh, wow. Right. And so talk about togetherness. It's It's I don't want to say it's sad, I think it's just the nature of the modern world that people have moved further apart geographically.
[00:42:19] Kori: This is like a whole nother podcast.
Laura: I know. This is. I know.
[00:42:23] Kori: Just, just the shift in family. Yes. To a nuclear unit. Yes. Away from the communal family unit.
[00:42:31] Laura: Yes. Yes. That's exactly like less of having, I don't mean this in a trite, um, in a trite way, but less from having a tribe to more of being, uh, yeah, a unit.
[00:42:41] Kori: Yeah, no, totally. And yeah, that's again, another podcast because.
[00:42:46] Laura: Well, maybe we should wrap there. We gotta let people get to bake. These people gotta bake. These people gotta wrap presents. You gotta do what serves you.
[00:42:56] Kori: Serves you. Sending peace and love to you humans.
[00:42:58] Laura: Yes, as we get closer to Christmas, Hanukkah, we're in the midst of Diwali, I think still.
[00:43:06] Kori: Mm hmm. Kwanzaa.
[00:43:09] Laura: Wishing you love and light. Wishing you Lots of green flags with your peoples. Yeah, a ways around the red flags that are redemptive and That cozy blanket of gratitude. Yep. Enjoy. Thanks for joining us on pushing past polite. I'm Laura.
[00:43:26] Kori: I'm Kori. We'll see you next time. Take care.
Kori: Thank you for listening to Pushing Past Polite We encourage you to go deeper in your trusted spaces or find new space for good conversation. You'll find content to help you get started on our social media channels.
Laura: We're at Pushing Past Polite on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok.
Kori: Pushing Past Polite is an independent podcast with Kori and Laura from Just Educators.
Laura: Our cover art was designed by Rachel Welsh De Iga of De Iga Designs, and our audio is produced by Keith at Headset Media. Until next time, don't get stuck talking about the weather. Push past polite.
Kori: See you next time.
