Kid passports, billionaires, and McDonald’s fries. (Ep.21)
In Episode 21, Kori and Laura discuss reasons why they might want to spend time living abroad with their kids - and how their partners might feel about it. Oh and don’t mind a well-placed Big Fat Greek Wedding quote. ;) Listen, consider their reasons, and let the gals know what you think! #thisis40 #podcast #podcasting #pushingpastpolite #millennials #friendship #friendshipgoals #dialogue #goodlife #capitalism #eldermillennials #millennialparents #millennialparenting #workingmama #workingmom #expats
Show notes and sneak peek
No small talk today - that’s for sure. Laura and Kori begin the episode by commenting on Nazis marching down the streets of Nashville during Black History Month. Kori apologizes for her female-version of a Barry White voice after conducting trainings all week. Laura admits her naivety about how XYZ bad thing couldn’t happen here in the U.S. because of our founding principles, realizing how vulnerable our democracy is, citing the Alabama Supreme Court ruling, abortion penalties in Texas, a bill in West Virginia aimed at charging librarians with crimes, gerrymandering, voter suppression, and the electoral choice between a fascist dictator and an incumbent president facilitating genocide. Kori and Laura point out that those in power are doing all they can to keep power - using the example of billionaires evading taxation. Y’all, we just go through it all - the Citizens United case, the health care system, college debt, the cost of childcare, the professional penalty for mothers who opt out of the workforce. Phew! This all sets the backdrop for today’s main topic of conversation - our mutual musings about raising our kids abroad. Did you know the U.S. ranks #24 on family-friendliness by the U.S. News and World Report? There are 23 countries ahead of us in supporting family life. Kori and Laura have done different levels of thinking about this scenario seriously - and we talk through some of what factors into this - including racial identity (and racial ambiguity for Kori’s husband) and interest in cultural and language immersion. Because multilingualism is a superpower - it’s real wealth! We both agree that having child care, health care, and community built into our lives would be well worth the trade off of potentially higher taxation. We also raise our different life experiences relative to geographic mobility. Kori, in her childhood and adulthood, has made several big, brave moves. Laura’s family made one big brave move and it was a questionably successful choice for the first decade at least. Not surprising that Laura’s much less likely to make a big move - plus folks are mostly nice (admittedly - to white folx like her) and dang it - she just renovated her kitchen! Itty bitty Kori reveals that she played basketball before her track star days. She was a regular Mugsy Bogues! Anyway, we are just tired of capitalism, y’all. And the food is killing us here too. So we start brainstorming how this could look - including small next steps like getting kid passports and trying to travel for longer chunks of time. And we can’t help it but quote Aunt Tula in Big Fat Greek Wedding and share a few kid stories before we wrap. Also, Laura is always open to chatting Love is Blind, since Kori clearly isn’t that friend. 😛
Visit our new home on the web: www.pushingpastpolitepodcast.com. Follow us on social media, as we want to hear from YOU! @pushingpastpolite onInstagram,Facebook,TikTok, andYouTube.Would y’all consider living abroad? What say you? Let us know!
Resources
Neo-Nazis march in Nashville from NBC news
Alabama’s Supreme Court ruling on IVF from NPR news
Texas man sentenced to 180 days in jail for drugging wife’s drinks to induce an abortion from AP news
West Virginia bill going after librarians from MSNBC
These are the most family-friendly countries article from U.S News and World Report
“Woman is the neck,” “You don’t eat no meat,” and Aunt Voula’s twin story clips from Big Fat Greek Wedding
Transcript
Episode 21 Full Episode
[00:00:00] Laura: Get them. Well, how about the Nazis marching through Nashville? What the fuck? Come on. I knew someone there that particular week visiting and I'm like, so
[00:00:12] Kori: you're wondering why I want to live in another country.
[00:00:15] Laura: I don't wonder why that's,
[00:00:17] Kori: that's not a terrorist group. I know. It's like, they're just walking just like the cowards that they are and faces covered spewing hate.
[00:00:30] You know, like, where is that normal here in the same place where you expel the two black members of your legislative body during naturally black history month, we have neo Nazis marching down the fucking street. Like it's a Tuesday. Yeah. So let's
[00:00:54] Laura: talk about this.
[00:01:08] Welcome to
[00:01:09] Kori: Pushing Past Polite. Welcome to Pushing Past
[00:01:11] Laura: Polite. Where we say the quiet part out loud. Where we talk about what matters.
[00:01:17] Kori: Where we talk about what matters.
Laura: And make the world more just.
Kori: And make the world more just.
[00:01:18] Laura:I'm Laura.
[00:01:21] Kori: I'm Kori. We're glad you're here. Sorry everyone, I have something going on with my voice.
[00:01:27] I was doing some trainings this week, traveling, so you guys get my, uh You're a tenor voice.
[00:01:34] Laura: My tenor voice . Your Barry White Kori version,
[00:01:40] Kori: right? I'm here for it. My Barilla White. She what were the, A girl version
[00:01:45] Laura: of Barry? It was a barilla. The pasta
[00:01:49] No. Okay. Barries. Yeah. No. I don't know what a, yeah, that's not an easy name to make. Feminine. Um, Barrietta White. Barrietta. There you go. We gotta leave the full Barry once you start messing with the Y. Yeah. That works. Right. Barry had a wife. So if I never would have thought growing up, ever, 10 years ago, 15, 20 years ago, that it would be a question about whether or not the constitution would be challenged.
[00:02:17] And by that, I mean like challenging the outcomes of an election or the right to bodily autonomy. Or, like, I never, I've always said, well, that would never happen here. That couldn't happen here because of this. Or we have this. Or the Supreme Court is unbiased. Or all these things, you know, are as impartial or as, um, you know, apolitical.
[00:02:37] Look where we are. Yeah. Okay? We've got a court in Alabama deciding that embryos are humans, are babies. Uh
[00:02:46] Kori: huh. And people are fucking panicking.
Laura: As they should! This is terrifying. This is terrifying. This is terrifying. That, that. That, yeah. Embryos through IVF that aren't even in anyone's body. That are not even all viable.
[00:03:00] That aren't all viable, that are frozen somewhere. Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. Oh, and let's not forget in Texas, where a man forced his wife or girlfriend, significant another
[00:03:12] Laura: to take, to take the The abortion pill. The
[00:03:14] Kori: abortion pill. And he got what, like 180 days? 18
[00:03:17] Laura: months or something? 80 days in jail. Yeah.
[00:03:19] Meanwhile, a doctor who's performing an abortion. Because it's necessary to save the life of her mother is going to jail and losing their license. Give me a break.
[00:03:30] Kori: And the woman who's having the abortion, same thing, is like going to jail for years.
[00:03:34] Laura: Yeah. And again, I recognize that I was naive in thinking this, right?
[00:03:39] As a white young girl growing up and thinking this country was made for me because it was in a lot of ways. Right? Yep. That some of these things were a given, that this could never happen here. I never have to worry about a Vladimir Putin type dictator in our lifetime. I never have to worry about that because that's not what America is.
[00:03:59] Well, guess what? We're on a really dangerous precipice in general. And I mean, Donald Trump is, is a known threat as far as I'm concerned. It's a known threat, but I got to tell you, not real excited to cast a vote the other direction either, with complicity in genocide. Am I going to if it comes down to these two?
[00:04:18] I may have to. That's my personal decision. I need to think through, but I'm just saying that the things that I thought were a given here are becoming less and less a given where you have this amazing experiment in American democracy and what self rule looks like. And it's not going well.
Kori: No.
Laura: Right now.
Kori: Mm mm.
[00:04:38] Because we're being undermined in so many ways by so many forces about this me and mine. Keeping power.
[00:04:47] Kori: Keeping power. And that's the part, the me and mine. Who is that me and mine, right? It's a very small group of people. I think about even just our taxes. The way that we get taxed and the use of our tax money, right?
[00:05:02] You and me, our threshold of income. is bearing the brunt of the tax burden, right? People, we're technically making more money than people, our parents did and all of this stuff. And it's like, we're still managing our money very closely in order to be able to make ends meet. Meanwhile, billionaires! Are, are just getting more rich.
[00:05:32] Laura: With more and more options for, for evading the tax.
[00:05:36] Kori: With more and more options and ways to get rich. To maintain and hold their money. Not being taxed down. It's like, if you have 20 billion and you're taxed a billion, you still have 19 billion. That's a lot of Bs. Do you really need 19 billion? That's a lot of Bs.
[00:05:50] It is. And. You know what I'm saying? Don't
[00:05:52] Laura: forget, Citizens United, their corporation that they're running is also a person. Right. Was, was. That's what, that's what the Supreme Court said, that there's, that speech, money is speech, and this whole idea is mind blowing, that you can have embryos with rights as humans, you can have corporations with this right, because money is speech, and you can't restrict this, and then, but what about me if I got accidentally pregnant, or had, like a pregnancy that was not viable, or something that was going to kill me, I don't have the right to make a decision about that?
[00:06:26] ay-yi-yi. All this, do we want to go this direction or do we want to talk about the moving abroad part?
[00:06:31] Kori: All, I think that all of this has to do with the idea of moving abroad. Yes. This lays the backdrop for why. Like, this, this like lays the backdrop, the fact that like healthcare isn't free and accessible here, but in so many other first world countries that what we consider first world countries, even countries we consider second world countries, it has free available healthcare to all of its citizens.
[00:06:56] People are moving from job to job to job in order to maintain health care and health coverage, right? We're, things like, we're requiring people to have degrees, but we don't want to forgive the loans that they took out to get said degrees.
[00:07:13] Laura: How about child care?
[00:07:15] Kori: Child care is like out, astronomically out of this world.
[00:07:19] Like people are working to just pay their child care. Like this is a conversation Daniel and I had when we were starting our family because, you know, my oldest is only four years old. It was like. Should I keep my job? Let's calculate what child care is annually and see if I would just be working to pay child care.
[00:07:46] Or, if in working, we would be able to also afford some other things. Mm hmm. And then But that's a conversation that so many people are having.
[00:07:54] Laura: And it's a privileged conversation to even consider staying home, like, does this make sense, right? So that's one thing. The other piece of this Totally. Is that women disproportionately are the ones who are choosing to stay home if, of the two parents, right?
[00:08:07] This assumes a heterosexual, heteronormative frame, and I'm sorry, but I'm just saying in general, women tend to bear the brunt of childcare roles, right? And so if that's the case, that's going to face, you're going to now face a disadvantage in terms of reentry to the workforce, in terms of how, what age you can be when you retire.
[00:08:24] Kori: Especially because the value of women's work, mothering and working in the home is so inadequate. It's it's not, people don't act like it's an actual job, even though it's
[00:08:38] Laura: like a ton of labor, more than a typical 40 hour a week job. My God. You know, there's disadvantage and advantage here in that whole calculus, but when
[00:08:49] Kori: you see Oh, and the other part is community.
[00:08:53] Laura: Yes. Yes.
[00:08:55] Kori: Yes. Right? The other part is community. Yes. Where we all live in our little houses. And in some places, people come outside and you're like, you guys have neighbors who are around similar ages, and so you guys interact and can play and ride bikes, which is what it was like when I was growing up, right?
[00:09:12] We didn't have that
[00:09:13] Laura: in our last home though.
[00:09:15] Kori: Right. That's what I'm saying. In so many situations, you don't have that. You don't have your family with you. That, like, that extended family, that village idea. You're living in communities where you don't have a network of people. And so, like, you're just out here floating Figuring it out by yourself, you and your partner, and your little, your little family unit, and that's what's pushed toward us, right?
[00:09:40] People move to get jobs. People need jobs to have health care. And so, like, you have these little family units that are moving around trying to just Get, make ends meet, make sure everyone has coverage and all this kind of stuff. pay for the childcare. Pay for the house, pay for the childcare, pay for the apartment if we can't afford a house because the cost of living has gone up so much, right?
[00:10:04] Laura: That it's hard to have the extra energy. Or time or resources to then invest in spending time in leisure and connecting with people. It's all connected. It's all connected. So I Googled this morning like best country, most family friendly country, right? And this is U. S. News and World reports, right? And I'm not, I'm not, I've not done a deep dive clearly if I just Googled it this morning on the methods, but it's all outlined here.
[00:10:31] Would you like to know like where the U. S. ranks? Any guesses?
[00:10:36] Kori: Oh, yeah, I already do. Go ahead.
[00:10:38] Laura: You're like, I already know. I mean, uh, it, when I reloaded the page, it's making me open up more. I want to say it was 25th or 26th. So again, then, then of course, I'm like, okay, so where, yeah, 24th, 24th, I was wrong on 25 or 26.
[00:10:52] Top countries, Italy, Sweden, New Zealand, Canada, Australia, Denmark, wait, all places? Portugal. Yeah, uh, let's see, Ireland, Norway, Netherlands, Finland, Spain, Switzerland, Portugal, Greece, Belgium, Austria, France, United Kingdom, Germany, Poland, Luxembourg, Japan, Turkey,
[00:11:12] Kori: all above the U. S. So then I add another layer to my search because I, I look for where Black people are welcome.
[00:11:21] Laura: That is where. I can, I will tell you as a white woman, I am less, there's less of a push factor for me to leave with my kids compared to what I can only imagine you experience. Right? If I were marginalized here and not wanted here and not accepted here and got looks and got comments. You, that would be a bigger push factor for me, for sure, and being at a place where you feel more like you're, you feel more integrated into the culture, there's, you know, you're, you're not necessarily minoritized would have such a different feel.
[00:11:57] Kori: You're like, yeah, yeah, exactly. That's it. That's it. And we have like multiracial kids. And so they blend in everywhere, right? Like my husband looks everyone, no one knows where he's from. It's like. Name a place with brown people and uh, I'm not kidding, I'm like literally not kidding. He is absolutely racially ambiguous.
[00:12:19] People come up to him, yes. People come up to him speaking all different languages. Spanish, Arabic, Hindu, like,
[00:12:30] Laura: You name it.
Kori: For real.
Laura: I believe that.
[00:12:31] Kori: You name it. Italian. They got one right. They got one right because he's really, because his mom is Italian. So he, so when we were in Italy for that one night, wait, when was this?
[00:12:49] It was like pre kids, right? When I was. I was pregnant with the first one. We went, it was his birthday, we were in Paris for Bastille Day, uh, with my parents. That is so cool. And then we, we had a 23 hour layover in Rome.
[00:13:05] Laura: Did you just go ride some escalators and people movers like you do with kids when you're in a layover?
[00:13:08] Kori: No, we, we got off the plane, we got a hotel, we had a nice dinner, we went on the on and off bus, we saw the Colosseum, we had gelato, like it was wonderful. He looked, he blended right in, you know what I mean? Like he looked like he belonged there and people would speak to him in Italian when we were there, right?
[00:13:31] That's so cool. But same, we were in El Salvador, we go, when we're in Mexico, like people are, are talking to him. Uh, we were, we've been stopped on the street before and people are like, Oh my brother, where are you from?
[00:13:47] Laura: He's got cultural chameleon qualities. Mm hmm. That's interesting. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. But you feel Yeah.
[00:13:54] Yeah. Again, don't let me put words in your mouth. You never do. You, you hold me to it. But, um, it's as if you feel more at home in those spaces. And I don't know if you would agree, but he probably does. Then he would hear where people say, where are you
[00:14:07] Kori: really from? I would say, I would say it's the opposite, which I find to be kind of interesting because I love cultures and language and literature and art and you know, like I'm trying to take my Spanish again and get back into that because I'm like, if I can learn Spanish, then I can learn Italian.
[00:14:30] If I can learn Italian, then I can get back to French. And you know, like I love that. And so I would love to have an experience for my children. Where they have this immersion
[00:14:41] Laura: in a whole different
[00:14:44] Kori: language, culture, and see how other people live. For myself too, right? It's like, we have this assumption. That, you know, people just, like, live like how we live.
[00:14:58] But then if you start talking to people, even across this own, this country, the United States, you start talking to people, you realize how vast and varied people's experiences are, and, and what their expectations are, and what their needs are, and, like, the things that they value. And, and so I would love to give my kiddos an opportunity.
[00:15:20] To have an immersive experience, to see other things, to, to grow up in a way where they know that this is not the only way things are.
[00:15:36] Laura: For better and for worse.
[00:15:37] Kori: For better and for worse. For better and for worse. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. But having that exposure is huge. Like one of my friends was in the Navy and he was a single dad.
[00:15:47] And so his daughter was with him, you know, and they lived all over the world. And so she, by the time she was like in high school, she spoke four languages.
[00:15:58] Laura: That is wealth. That is real. That kind of literacy is such
[00:16:02] Kori: wealth. That's real wealth. Once she got to high school, they came back to the states and they settled here. And so she's been here ever since. That's what I'm talking about.
[00:16:11] Laura: Being able to have perspective.
[00:16:14] Kori: Being able to have perspective, being able to have just like lived experience, not just some version, particularly as an English teacher and the attack on literature right now, right? So it's like, who knows what my kids are even going to be able to have access to when they're prosecuting, uh, librarians.
[00:16:32] Laura: I know. West Virginia, this bill is being moved forward.
[00:16:37] Kori: It's being moved forward. This is what I'm talking about, but it's like once it takes root in one state, that gives. The, gives it legs in other states. Just
[00:16:48] Laura: like the
[00:16:48] Kori: abortion issue, right? Just like the abortion issue. That gives it spread. Just like the gerrymandering that's happening in a lot of places with the redistricting of uh, of voting communities, right?
[00:17:01] Where we're reducing the number of, of polls available in certain communities. And hours in which they're open. So people have to travel a much greater distance in order to cast a vote. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. It's that same, that's all to me, all connected. Yeah. And it's all rooted in white supremacy
[00:17:19] Laura: culture. Which we need to talk about sometime soon.
[00:17:23] Kori: Yeah. For sure. But it's, it's, it's like, it's all connected in that way. It is. It is.
[00:17:28] Laura: So I can see, and, and going to, to what kids learn, like what would be the, the benefits and drawbacks, right? So we're already identifying this idea of belonging. And, uh, again, not having the weird baggage of your ancestors building this country with their literal blood and sweat and tears, right?
[00:17:47] And, and to be denied that reality, to have people not even be able to talk about that, to suddenly being in a country where you have that same, not that there isn't racism everywhere and, you know, all of that. Because
[00:17:59] Kori: there is. There's anti Blackness everywhere. Absolutely. Yeah, true. Which is why I do the search around Black expats.
[00:18:06] Right? Like, not just Amer U. S. No. We need to know. Yeah, you do. I need it. I need, I need to get that.
[00:18:12] Laura: Yes, you do. So, you'd have the, kind of, the separation from that, uh, that, like, weird cognitive dissonance here, which would be amazing. You would have, uh, in theory, health care, education, uh, you know, of course, you'd have to Child
[00:18:28] Kori: care.
[00:18:29] Child
[00:18:29] Laura: care. If we need that. Yes. Higher taxes? Sure, perhaps. But guess what? I can't take my money.
[00:18:35] Kori: Yeah. If I don't need to worry about that. Because I'm not putting it out in all these other places. Yeah. Right. Community. It's like, I'm still winning.
[00:18:42] Laura: Yep, keep going. The balance of the scales is still there, right?
[00:18:46] Yeah. So what would be some of the things that you feel like you would miss or lose leaving the U. S.? And maybe it's a shorter list. Just like,
[00:18:53] Kori: you know. I don't know. The people here, you know, you have fam I have family here. There's, they're not all nearby, but they're still within the United States. It's a plane flight away with a real ID and not a passport.
[00:19:10] Even though everybody in my family has passports, so that's kind of a gift, but the frequency in which I would be able to see them. mm-Hmm. would, that'd be a trade off. Definitely decline. That would be a trade off for sure. Um, the language, right? If we move to another place, being able to communicate with people and learn the language.
[00:19:29] My husband's an electrician and so, and we own businesses, and so it's always the thought of how would that work? Would we try to sustain his businesses in the United States, like would we, would we work to build those businesses out enough that we could sustain them and he's traveling regularly coming here, you know, one week a month or, you know, whatever it is, two weeks, every two months or something, uh, to kind of touch base and be connected with the projects and the work.
[00:20:03] Or would he try to do something different over there? You know, that sort of stuff. Uh, you know, we found that the most seamless way to transition is to have some sort of sponsorship. Whether it's, uh, through a job, through the government. There are some cities within various countries that are inviting people to come, right?
[00:20:27] Their, their populations are declining and they want people to come. And they are providing incentives for people to come and move there. So that kind of stuff, like you started saying before we started recording, like the logistics piece of it, but I'm thinking about it's not permanent. So this is how I think about it, right?
[00:20:53] It's like I moved from California to DC to go to college. I was there for four years. I moved back to California. I didn't like it there. I moved back to, I moved to Arizona. I moved to D. C. Like, there is, I feel like there is this barrier that people create around moving to another country when we do this kind of stuff all the time for a different purpose, right?
[00:21:20] It's like, this is part of the lifestyle of being you. educated American is people move. Like that's just something we do. People move for work. People move for their education. So what's the difference between moving from. A beach culture to the East Coast where there's four seasons and it's hard to get to the water.
[00:21:46] That's clean and you want to get
[00:21:47] Laura: in. Yeah. Your life experiences have primed you well for this. Your bravery in your younger days are going to serve you well in this kind of a transition. I, in contrast, moved one time from, with my family as a kid, from one state to another, and then have lived the rest of my life in this state.
[00:22:04] I have moved around in this state, right? I've moved a little bit. But I'm still only about an hour from where I graduated high school. And Right. It's funny. It's funny because just this, um, last weekend we took the kids snow tubing, which was really fun. Um, thank God. No, zero concussions. Zero concussions. I was very worried.
[00:22:24] Um, it was a really good time, but there were a lot of international staff that we're working at that were sponsored, similar, just like what you're saying, probably on like a J 1 visa program. Um, but there were two, one of the girls helping me was blonde hair, blue eyed, and it said, like it would say on all their tags, like Santiago from Argentina or whatever their name is.
[00:22:42] Right. And this girl, her name, whatever it was, Katie, I don't know. And it said Branson, Missouri. And I was like, Ooh, exotic Branson. I said, this is, and so I was asking her about it and she said that she and her husband had just moved here to Stuart's Drafts area. So like close to the way the ski resort was.
[00:23:00] And she said, you know, “I've lived a lot of different places, she says, but I can't get over how friendly and kind people are here in Virginia.” And again, I, and I've heard that from a lot of people that have lived lots of other places that say like, you know, we've lived lots of other, lots of other places and people here are really kind and, or this is the place, the only place I'd raise kids or whatever.
[00:23:24] And so for me, I think it's more the opportunity cost. Of what would I give up? Like, I have a relatively good thing here, right? But
[00:23:32] Kori: you don't know what you, you don't know what
[00:23:33] Laura: you would gain. I don't know what the trade off is. You're absolutely right. And that's the part that would keep me, I would let me visit you in Portugal and make up my mind.
[00:23:43] But I'm not going to be the one of the two of us that's going to lead off, right? I just renovated my kitchen. I'm going to be here a little bit. You know what I mean?
[00:23:49] Kori: I'm trying to cook a while. I want to cook a little. And those are, those are other conversations we're having about like, you know, So now Daniel is more interested.
[00:23:58] I wouldn't say he's like on board, but he's, he's more open to this possibility. And I said to his mother, when we were there, I said, so if we moved to Italy, would you come? She's like, well, I think I would just have to. Twist
[00:24:11] Laura: my damn arm. Yeah. No, and people would, oh my God, how cool would that be to visit, right?
[00:24:18] I'm sure we'd get, we'd have to have a guest room.
[00:24:21] Kori: Right. We, right. So it's, so it's also just. You don't know, so when I, I grew up moving, I guess, right? So when I was born, I was born in Nashville, Tennessee, which is why that what was happening there is so infuriating. Or adds to the, the, the pain and rage, I guess, of it, the injury of it.
[00:24:45] And then we lived in Gary, Indiana for 11 months. Exotic
[00:24:49] Laura: Gary, Indiana.
[00:24:51] Kori: Gary, Indiana. But it was really cool because we were close to Chicago. We would go to Lake Michigan. And so we had this whole Midwest experience. It wasn't very long. I, that's where I was in a school where I learned to speak French, or I started to learn how to speak French.
[00:25:07] And then we moved to Los Angeles. And we lived in Los Angeles, like in the city, in a area called like Windsor Hills. And then we moved out to the Inland Empire. Uh, because that's where my dad's job was and he had been commuting from Los Angeles to the Inland Empire.
[00:25:26] Laura: That is a really magical name. The Inland Empire?
[00:25:30] The Inland Empire. That sounds like it's in Game of Thrones or a place on a map like the Ottoman Empire in Napoleon that I don't know about. I'm going to be Googling.
[00:25:40] Kori: The I. E. The I. E. It's not exotic at all.
[00:25:44] Laura: Exotic! Ah, I. E.
[00:25:46] Kori: Not even close. Right? No. Not at all. And so like. By the time I was, like, nine years old, we had lived, or ten years old maybe, we had lived in four different cities.
[00:25:59] Mm hmm. And then, I, but I stayed there, like, my parents still live in that house, you know, that's forty, thirty five year, thirty something years now, thirty years, and then I went to college. Across the country. Oh, right, in between. In between Tennessee and Indiana, actually, we lived in Maryland. We lived in Adelphi, because my dad was doing his residency at Howard.
[00:26:23] So we went Tennessee, Maryland, D. C., Maryland. We lived in D. C. for a little bit at my aunt's house. Then we moved into a house in Adelphi, which back, side note, hilarious random fact. Pam, who I talked about in the last episode. Yeah, auntie's sister cousin. Auntie's sister friend? Auntie's sister cousin.
[00:26:42] Auntie's sister cousin. Turns out she lived up the street when we lived there. Like. That's cool. Like, legit. You too. Like, there was, we lived, there was a hill that went down and it flattened out, and there was a street with houses on one side, and then there was a creek, a street with houses on the other side, and then it went back up the hill, and she lived at the street at the top of the hill on the other side.
[00:27:05] That
[00:27:05] Laura: is wild.
[00:27:06] Kori: That is wild. Wild. And she's, like, probably equally close now. Anyway, but like, we, we moved a little bit, and so, and then I lived in Arizona. So I've been and then I was an athlete and so I've traveled in 40 and basketball, too I probably set foot in a minute. You played basketball, too. Uh huh.
[00:27:28] You bitty little thing. Mm hmm You were like the Mugsy Bogues played. I yeah, I well, I mean I played basketball like from fourth grade into, like, my sophomore year of high school. Until height mattered. And, but, my travel basketball person, coach, Coach Floyd, was like, I used to be running so fast that I would go up the walls.
[00:27:51] Oh my God. During the basketball games. Because
[00:27:54] Laura: you needed to stop and you'd hit the end of the gym?
[00:27:56] Kori: Because I couldn't stop and I would hit the end of the gym. So I would, like, run up the wall. And so he was always like, yeah, Kori, I think you should, we should be hearing from you in track. And so I started running track.
[00:28:07] But that enabled you to And then I went to college on a, on a track scholarship. And
[00:28:11] Laura: that enabled you to do all the traveling. See, this is so interesting. I knew you lived in Nashville. I knew That you lived, uh, maybe one other place before California.
[00:28:18] Kori: You knew I lived in Maryland. I think maybe. You knew that.
[00:28:21] But I knew in your
[00:28:22] Laura: adult life you had even made moves, right? From 18 on, as if that's adult, but like from in the time that you could move independently I knew that you had. So your life experiences and that culture of moving from your, your family of origin, right? Probably influenced your willingness and your bravery in moving in your young adulthood.
[00:28:41] My family. Uh, everybody had, you know, it was all centered in New York, New Jersey. My family, my nuclear family of origin moved to Virginia and it was very traumatic.
[00:28:52] Kori: It was very traumatic. Can you also, can you just explain that to people really quick? Everyone doesn't get that. mean? New York, New Jersey. New York, New Jersey.
[00:29:00] Saying it like that. New York, New Jersey. Like what that means. What does that mean to you?
[00:29:06] Laura: So like Like in the area that's kind of like commuter bed, like, uh, bedroom community to New York City? Okay. But also I do have relatives in New York, so it's kind of like New York slash New Jersey. And New York. And New Jersey.
[00:29:17] Like, it's both, but yes. Yeah, I'm totally right. I thought you were gonna say explain Family of Origin, . I was like,
[00:29:23] Kori: oh, okay. No, no. Like there's a, there's a part of like, New York, New Jersey. It's like, that is New York, New Jersey that you're, you're, you're ebbing and flowing between the two. There's a tunnel, you're there, you can, there's a tunnel.
[00:29:34] Yes. It's like that bridge and tunnel
[00:29:36] Laura: mentality.
[00:29:36] Kori: Yes. Mentality. That's like you're not a New Yorker. You live in New Jersey, but you are New York, New
[00:29:44] Laura: Jersey, New Jersey,
[00:29:45] Kori: New York. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's, that's, that's
[00:29:47] Laura: the explanation. I was going. So yeah, so our family moved here. Talk about culture shock, right?
[00:29:51] Jersey to Virginia. My dad was in sales. My dad had a terrible adjustment to the good old boy network. I could see that. Despite being a white man, he was a white Jewish man who's very loud and intense. And he didn't fit in here. He didn't play the role. He did not kiss the ring. It didn't work and, um, had a very, I, yeah, I won't even, it was, it was dark.
[00:30:11] There were some times where I, he considered some pretty dark things in terms of like, I don't think I can provide for my family here anymore. It was rough. Um, so that is my frame. We moved once. It was scary. So my, I had never thought about this before this conversation that my willingness to up and go is probably less than yours.
[00:30:33] Like I'm not as brave. And my husband has been in the same job since he was in college. Right out of college. He's not a risk taker. No way. He
[00:30:41] Kori: ain't moving anywhere. Oh, yeah. I know that. Right? But that's the same with my husband. It's been in different locations, but it's the same job. He's been doing electrical work since then.
[00:30:51] And what brought him here was a family member. Mm. That's right. Right? So it's like, he moved here to work with his uncle. Mm hmm. And so he, that was his There's the
[00:31:03] Laura: sponsorship of sorts, right? Like we're talking about That's the
[00:31:06] Kori: sponsorship. Making this transition. Exactly. Exactly. There's the sponsorship.
[00:31:10] And so I've done a lot more kind of, well, you, you all know me enough, right? It's like if the universe wills it so, I guess I just need to roll with it and see where it takes me. Right. And
[00:31:24] Laura: podcast recording hours will get a little tricky, but I promise to wake
[00:31:26] Kori: up early for you. Yeah. But I feel like who we know someone else who like moved.
[00:31:35] Worked with, maybe not you, maybe you don't know. Like do I? I'll have to think about it. She worked, she worked with us. Yes.
[00:31:42] Laura: I know exactly who you're talking about. Packed up her whole family of four children, saved up money, and they rented out their house and they traveled for upwards of 18 months. Yes.
[00:31:53] And they only bought tickets for the first leg, and they were just going to see what happened afterwards. Yes. My mind is blown. My anxiety is through the roof just thinking about that.
[00:32:02] Kori: And she was still working with us. Mm. Like that, what, when you just said, because I had a meeting with her. I remember it was, I had a meeting with her and it was like nighttime there.
[00:32:11] We like had that. When you just said. The tricky recording, it, that prompted me to think about her and us talking and she wanted to write a book and she needed that like brain space to not be here. And that's the other thing that I think. It's beginning to wear on me is the trap of capitalism here. And it's like becoming so egregious and blatant and disgusting, right?
[00:32:38] Where like everything, you know, you go there, it's, it feels like it's almost at the place where you do self checkout at the grocery store and they're asking for a tip.
[00:32:49] Laura: Well I've seen you post funny things on social media where it looks like somebody opens their front door, puts their phone on their doormat and then pulls their foot right in.
[00:32:56] Because it's like, as soon as you walk out of your house, you're spending 34 for this, 85 for this. Bup, bup, bup,
[00:33:01] Kori: bup, bup, bup, bup. Exactly. And the thing that's funny about this, I think everyone should know this. Because I was, Daniel is a reader. He's like very cerebral. And so, I was like, WTF with all this tipping?
[00:33:13] Like, and he said, this is actually being pushed. By the credit card companies, because they're, it's an opportunity for them to make three more cents on the dollar, ten more cents on the dollar. So if you're tipping for whatever, that tip through your credit card is allowing MasterCard and Visa or Barclays to take an additional cut, an increased cut.
[00:33:42] And so what used to be just tipping at a restaurant or something when someone was actually providing you with. consistent service. Now you go get a coffee and it's like, starts at 25%. And then it's like, why aren't we just paying people fucking living wages? I
[00:34:00] Laura: thought that's the direction you were going to go is it's not just the credit card companies trying to get a cut.
[00:34:04] This is the corporation saying, we'll pay our people a less, a lower base wage because they'll make tips. So it's this whole, it's all connected, it's all connected.
[00:34:14] Kori: But that goes back to like that capitalism push, right? It's just like, you're, as the credit card company, and as the corporation, you're trying to keep more money in your pocket and at the expense of the consumer all the time.
[00:34:27] Or the worker, or the worker. And the worker, but they're also a consumer, right? So we're hemorrhaging money. In taxes, we're hemorrhaging money to pay child care bills, we're hemorrhaging money to pay for insurance, we're hemorrhaging money to pay for the car insurance that you're required to have if you have a vehicle.
[00:34:45] And health
[00:34:46] Laura: insurance. We're hemorrhaging money. That's probably, yeah. Mm hmm.
[00:34:49] Kori: Yep, right? And we need to be paying the wages for the people who are doing work in your company. We're supplementing their wages, which I'm not mad about that part. I think people should be able to afford to live. The billionaires back to the fucking billionaires with a, why do you need to be a billionaire multi billionaire many times, not just like you have 1 billion.
[00:35:16] Billions many times over, but the people who work in your companies, I am supplementing their income. Hmm. And I'm not any kind of “-naire.” I'm not a “-naire” at all. Oh,
[00:35:27] Laura: oh, billionaire, millionaire. I was like, what? Billionaire,
[00:35:30] Kori: millionaire.
[00:35:31] Laura: Like hair removal? No, you're not. No. No, I remember seeing, again, this is, I found a, there was a funny meme on this.
[00:35:38] Theresa, you posted this recently. It made me laugh. It was something about, um. I read this thing recently and it's like, actually you saw a Tik Tok, but I did. I saw either a Tik Tok or an Instagram reel or something where a woman who had moved abroad Said, you know, in the U. S., uh, all the things that I needed, I had to pay for.
[00:35:55] Now that I'm living in, I forget where she was, somewhere in Europe, everything is built into my day. So, for example, you need to work out, you have to buy a gym membership or buy a Peloton or buy a whatever, whereas in Europe, she walks to work. Right? Right. And, you know, you want to play for a play date or have your kid go to the little kid gym or all these little activity classes versus the city is built in such a way that you have these common spaces, these third places where you don't need to pay and you just can be in, you know, this idea of community and all of this.
[00:36:27] And so she was giving example after example of how we have commodified what we need to
[00:36:33] Kori: live. Everything will need to live, and then our food is killing us at the same time, right? So it's like the things that we allow in our food, other countries have banned, right? And I, I always go back to McDonald's French fries.
[00:36:51] There are 11 ingredients in the McDonald's French fries in the USA. It should be oil,
[00:36:58] Laura: potatoes, and
[00:36:59] Kori: salt. And salt. That's what it is everywhere else. Which also means that you have. The recipe for A less murderous version of your food, yet, because it's probably somehow cheaper to infuse it with all of these chemicals.
[00:37:20] Or more addictive. Or more addictive, or whatever. That's what you serve us. And then we have to pay for gym membership. We have all this diabetes all over the place. And
[00:37:30] Laura: our government's okay with it. Our I know. Ooh, it's been a journey. I feel like we went around the world. But
[00:37:38] Kori: don't But don't, don't enjoy any cannabis, you're going to go to prison for that.
[00:37:45] But ingest all these other chemicals,
[00:37:47] Laura: for sure. We're really worried about the chemicals in your system, except for the other 11 in your fries. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, I am proud of you for thinking outside of the box and I'm excited. I mean, like, you always push me and I love it. And I am excited to have a front row seat in our friendship to see what ends up happening.
[00:38:07] And you know I'll be in Portugal visiting your ass, like, there's not a question. Or wherever you go. Um, and I want to get more brave about it. My husband did say recently, uh, we thought there was a chance we were going to be going to, going abroad, like, in the near term, and we're not anymore. But he said, you know, I really want to move forward with the passports with the kids.
[00:38:25] And I think for all the reasons, for, for opening adventures and doors for this that we could go at a moment's notice, but also for the scarier things it might be a wise, it might just be wise to have. Um, so that's going to be my next small step. How about that? You know, me and baby steps.
[00:38:40] Kori: That sounds good.
[00:38:41] I mean, and having a passport that just opens the door already, right? Yep. So I was telling my parents how, you know, my kids are little and they've been to almost as many places as
[00:38:54] Laura: Daniel. It's pretty impressive. It's awesome. That's awesome. Mm hmm. Well, you guys really value travel and do that a lot too, which I think is wonderful.
[00:39:03] Kori: I don't say, I don't know if it's a we thing or, or a me thing. He, he's, he's reluctant, Larry, a lot of the time.
[00:39:12] Laura: Well, as we say in the big fat Greek wedding, we're always going to come back to that, right? The man, he's at the head, but the woman, she's the
[00:39:18] Kori: neck. The woman is the neck. And she can move the head any way she wants it to go.
[00:39:23] That's like one of the best lines. I
[00:39:25] Laura: use that thing regularly. I love
[00:39:27] Kori: it. It's so true. It's such a great one. What you mean you don't eat no meat? That's okay. I'm a glam.
[00:39:36] Laura: I used to have a twin. She was, I found her in my
[00:39:39] Kori: neck.
[00:39:42] Laura: Crazy aunt Tula. God bless her. Um, yeah, let's keep talking about this. Let's keep talking about it and see what, see what develops at the very least.
[00:39:50] I will say I could see saving up money and taking an extended trip around the world to have the benefits of that. Um, culture and immersion and perspective, um, without having to leave my kitchen.
[00:40:05] Kori: But again, I go back to, it wouldn't have to be permanent. I know.
[00:40:09] Laura: Yes. And you're good about that. Again, our life experience difference.
[00:40:13] That's. You have that. Yeah. You have that freedom. That's. I've got roots and wings. I got this. And I'm like, I've got just deep roots. I'm
[00:40:19] Kori: terrified. Yeah. But it's like, it wouldn't have to be permanent. It could be six months. It could be 18 months. It could be. Two years, it could just be until Huddy is ready for high school and then we come back because we want him to have a consistent high school experience in preparation.
[00:40:35] Well, I better move quick because
[00:40:36] Laura: he is growing fast.
[00:40:38] Kori: I know, but I'm saying, like, it could just be, uh, it could be a
[00:40:43] Laura: summer. Oh my God, stop. Now this is making it attainable and exciting.
[00:40:47] Kori: I'm just saying, it could just be that. It could be a summer. It could be one month being somewhere else.
[00:40:55] Laura: Okay. Okay. Okay.
[00:40:56] I've got the itch. I've got the itch. It might be a rash. I don't know. It could be a twin. It might
[00:41:02] Kori: be a rash. I don't know. Get the cream. Get the ointment. Get the ointment. The Windex. The Windex. Get the
[00:41:06] Laura: Windex.
[00:41:09] Kori: These days, the little one, Jay, it's like whenever he gets hurt, he was like, Oh, mommy a lot. I need ointment and bandaid.
[00:41:18] Oh,
[00:41:18] Laura: papa.
[00:41:19] Kori: Gimme my neo spool. I need
[00:41:21] Laura: ointment and bandaid. . My, my Ellie used to call hydrocortisone whenever she'd get a bug bite. She went the hydrocortisone cream. Mm-Hmm. Hydro. Can you put hydro quarters on it? Hydro hydro quarters on it. Hydro hydrocortisone It hydrocortisone it. You put
[00:41:34] Kori: hydrocortisone.
[00:41:35] Hydrocortisone
[00:41:36] Laura: it. Yeah. You better. It's, it's, it's clearly real itchy baby. You better put that on. Um, okay, last thing that's completely unrelated. If anybody who listens to us, uh, watches Love is Blind season six has watched that. I know Kori's, you know, remember how we said you have to have a friends at your table who provide diverse things for you?
[00:41:55] That I come to you for this and I come to you for this. Kori is not my girl when it comes to trashy reality TV. No. So if you are out there and you want to be Someone to talk to me about Love is Blind Season 6. You know where to find me. That's all. Keith doesn't help either, does he? Love you, dude. You've got better things to do with your time.
[00:42:15] I know. I know. Big, grown man. Got stuff to do.
[00:42:19] Kori: Cause love isn't blind,
[00:42:20] Laura: actually. It's fascinating. It's fascinating. You're right. The experiment has not gone well. Spoiler alert! My favorite thing to watch about it, though Love is very visual. There's a component there. I just love the falling in love part.
[00:42:35] Like, I love watching people just have conversation and really connect with each other. Spoiler alert! Maybe that's why we podcast. I don't know. I just have a soft spot for it. Everything that comes after is a hot mess once they meet in person. But, um, anyway. All right. This has been lovely. Uh, and challenging.
[00:42:50] This has been lovely. And eye opening and potentially even, like, inspiring to do, to take a step to make a change. Or to have an experience, you know? Thank you. See? Start somewhere. Push past polite. That's it. That's what we do here. Talk about what matters. Talk about what matters. That's right. The world more just and say our motto at the same time.
[00:43:08] That's what we've been doing all day.
[00:43:11] Kori: That's what we have been doing all day. All right. Well, I'm Laura. I'm Kori.
[00:43:16]Laura: Talk about what matters with your people. Thanks for joining us. Take care.
Kori: Thanks for listening to Pushing Past Polite. We encourage you to go deeper in your trusted spaces and find new space for good conversation.
Laura: You'll find episodes, transcripts, and lots of other goodies at our website, pushingpastpolitepodcast.com. You can also connect with us on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok at Pushing Past Polite.
Kori: Pushing Past Polite is an independent podcast with Kori and Laura from Just Educators. Our cover
Laura: art was designed by Rachel Welsh De Iga of De Iga Design, and our audio is produced by Keith at Headset Media. Until next time, don't get stuck talking about the weather. Push past polite.
Kori: See you next time.
Little Dude: Bye bye.
Laura: Jay, you did perfect!
